A little hormone education

As many, or some, of you may know, Chris and I have had a more difficult pregnancy than we were hoping for. Thankfully, it hasn't been as bad as some, but it definitely has came with it's hardships. I have spoken minimally of our complications, but I figured it was time to give some more answers. This may not be the most exciting post I have ever written, but hopefully more informative. Now, although I post this blog to my facebook account, this blog is intended for family and friends that I do not have the opportunity to talk with as much as I would like. For those of you who read this and may not know me as well (or know me at all), prepare yourselves for a more in depth and personal look into my pregnancy.

Many of the pregnancy problems I have mentioned have been due to my poor progesterone levels. Progesterone is called the pregnancy hormone in which it helps prepare the lining of the uterus for the fertilized egg as well as maintain the pregnancy by calming the uterus throughout the pregnancy. As you see in the graph below (wow, what a teacher-y thing to say) is the normal progression in the rise of progesterone levels throughout pregnancy. Low levels of progesterone can cause miscarriages, stillbirths, and preterm labor which obviously leads to premature births. As I am in my 22 week of pregnancy, on average my levels should be anywhere between 55-65, which is considered Zone 3 to Zone 4. Unfortunately, throughout my pregnancy, I have maintained levels which leave me in mid Zone 1. So if you can do the math, my levels are way lower than they should be. In this case, our pregnancy is considered "high-risk" ever since our first preterm labor contractions at 17 weeks. Since this time, I continue to have episodes of these complications, which have ended me on temporary bed rest numerous times (most currently this past Thursday through the weekend). You add a flaring ovarian cyst to the mix and it's not such a fun ride.

Thankfully, our very small doctor's office (Pope Paul IV Institute) strongly believes in monitoring progesterone levels throughout pregnancy due to the high risk of complications involved with low hormone levels, so we have been very aware since the beginning of our pregnancy of the possible outcomes and have learned what we can do to help prevent further complications (although we cannot prevent everything). To help aide my low levels of progesterone, I take up to 800 mg of progesterone a day as well as a 200 ml booster shot of pure progesterone twice a week. As mentioned in previous posts here, Chris has been trained to give me these shots from home and then I must have my blood taken every two weeks to check my levels. Chris thought it would be a good idea to show exactly what the shots (or needles) look like.

Now, you must understand that I have been receiving these shots since my 5th week of pregnancy, but I continue to dread them and they do not get easier with time! Some of you may wonder where exactly these shots go. Welp, you guessed it....right in the bum cheek. Ugh, now if that isn't bad enough, it isn't just a slight prick, but the entire 2 1/2 inch long needle! Oh, and it only gets better. The pure progesterone is mixed with sesame oil for easy absorption into the muscle. What this really means for me is that it is a very thick substance that takes anywhere from 3-5 minutes to fully inject.

 So what does this mean for the future? Well, we're not quick sure. I believe we'll just continue on our course and hope that our complications do not rise enough to cause serious problems (the biggest concern being preterm labor with as many contractions I've already begun having). So far our baby is continuing to grow on track and spends most of his/her days playing and kicking - an updated post on our baby soon to follow. Until then, Chris and I remain positive, yet mentally prepared for more complications in the future, as possible with any pregnancy. We continue to be thankful for this experience and the knowledge we've been given to continue to move forward in this exciting new journey.

the Hump

Week 20 Well, I am officially half way through my pregnancy! It's crazy to think how fast these last few months have gone, but at the same time seems so slow. I am starting to get out of the "is she/isn't she" stage of my pregnancy, and am starting to look more and more pregnant, literally, every day. Yes, it may look like I'm clearly pregnant in my most recent picture, but I will admit that clothing and angles make my growing belly more obvious. I had always thought that I would show a little early, even though it's my first pregnancy, due to a shorter torso. I'll admit I've worried how on earth everything will continue to fit inside my pint sized torso, but I know, in all of our bodies miracles - it all works out. Now with all that cramped space, comes plenty of pains. Ribs are expanding, belly muscles are stretching, and organs are getting pushed up and around who knows where!

Due to all of the pain and mild complications, we have been lucky enough to have 4 ultrasounds up to this point to check up on our growing bean. The latest ultrasound was to look at an ovarian cyst, first mentioned in earlier posts here and here. Although the cyst continues to hang around, it has stayed contained. It continues to cause mild pain and discomfort, but for now it is manageable. At the end of the check up, I was able to have a quick glimpse of our sweet baby. Baby bean was all curled and snuggled up tight, just sleeping the time away. I was able to witness a couple twitches, but even cuter, a few yawns. Thankfully this time, our baby was still enough to get some great shots!

Now this is not our first 3D picture (below), but it is the best one yet. As you can see, he/she may sleep with an open mouth, or maybe this was taken right before one of the many yawns. I have already begun hearing who people think the baby looks like (so far it's a general agreement that the baby has my profile, but looks like Chris in the face). Lol, who knows for sure, there is still 20 more weeks for things to grow and develop!

I conclude this post with a little peek at one of the best mother gifts I've received so far. At the beginning of my pregnancy, my sweet thoughtful sister sent me this Cancer charm in honor of our little blessing to come in July. I wear it everyday around my neck as a constant reminder of how lucky I am to have such supportive and loving family and friends as we await our baby miracle. Thank you and love you all!

Update

Here is our sweet baby a week and a half ago at almost 17 weeks. Boy, was it sure difficult to even get this semi profile shot. Our little one is either really shy or enjoyed playing tricks with our ultrasound tech. Either way, I'm going to guess we're going to have our hands full!

And then there's me, in all my pregnancy glory - 18.4 weeks.

I never was one for 'self' shots in the mirror, but this will have to do until I can start those cute week by week maternity photos I've seen others do. To be honest, you should be surprised I've even got this far with two self portrait pictures. For now, it's on my list of things to do - along with cutting out sweets and working out :)

Thump, thump, thump

Week 18 Talk about a crazy week. After a couple of contraction scares, I have been released to continue on with my daily routine of work and exercise. Whew. Although Chris and I have not been too worried, as my fears have been eased with the first kicks of our little baby. I suspected movement at the beginning of my 17th week, but when it's your first baby, who's really to know for sure?? As the week progressed, if I laid on my back really still, I felt soft little thuds just below my belly button (and a little to the right to be exact). I had to be paying attention, otherwise I would miss it, but starting this past Thursday these little thuds have become a constant occurrence, if I'm laying down, sitting, or standing. I suppose once a mother recognizes the feeling of her baby, it's hard to not notice when it moves. Friends and Internet have described these feelings as "butterfly flutters", "gas bubbles", "like a feather", even the "little feet of a hamster on your hand". It's tough to really pin point the exact way in describing the first time you feel your baby, other than purely incredible. For now, I can't help but say "Hello, baby" every I feel that little thump or series of thuds. Unfortunately for Chris, our baby is still too small for him to feel him/her from the outside of my belly, but this doesn't stop Chris from keeping his hand on my stomach in high hopes to feel our baby's tiny feet.

Our baby is now the size of a sweet potato. Baby websites claim average size of a fetus at this stage of 18 weeks is 5.5 inches and 6.6 ounces. Well, at our 16.6 week ultrasound our baby measured 6.12 inches and 6 ounces (a 'little' ahead of schedule). Tall and skinny. Surprise, surprise.

*Sorry, still no baby bump picture updates at this time. Will come soon, though. Promise.

It's a........!!!!

After weeks and months of waiting, last Thursday I was finally able to find out the gender of our sweet baby! Now, if you remember a few posts back I mentioned that there was a story behind us finding out the sex of our baby. Well - here it is:

Chris and I had discussed long before we were expecting if either of us had the desire to know early what gender our baby was or if either of us wanted it to be a surprise. Well, our decision was split. Chris wanted it to be a surprise and I, who have the worst patience in the world, wanted to find out as early as possible. Our decisions still stand today the way they did when we first discussed it. So, Chris and I decided that I would find out the sex of the baby, and he would wait to be surprised and find out the day our baby was born. Now, I know what you're thinking. How is this going to work? Well, we're not too sure either. Every one who knows this plan, thinks we're nuts and that I'll never be able to hold this big secret without letting something slip. I guess we'll see. So far so good. I have planned that, for the nursery and baby shower everything will stay gender neutral. Anything gender oriented I receive or buy, will be put away in a box. What if Chris looks in the box??? Well, if Chris wants to know, he can/will look in the box. This is not a secret I am hiding from him. This is a secret he chooses to not know and I will do my best to help him in not knowing. So, until then we call the baby "he", just as we always have since we found out I was pregnant. Thankfully we have already discussed names, so no extra time will have to be spent on 'pretending'. And if Chris happens to find out from any of the number of ways possible, then he has already said it won't be the worst thing in the world, which actually leaves me stress free.

Week 17 So, unfortunately, I will not be revealing our baby's gender. But, feel free to take a guess on what you think we're having at the end of my post!!! Now, what I can tell you is how great our baby is doing! Little baby G is right on track in all measurements. He/she was just kicking away as we watched our baby jump around on the ultrasound screen, but still not feeling anything yet. Our ultrasound tech wrote me a note in an envelope at the end of our appointment revealing the gender of our baby. Oh, and you can bet I ripped that envelope open the moment I was away from Chris. Although I had my suspicions, I literally squealed with delight!

On a serious note, the day of our ultrasound, I started having contractions throughout the day and into the weekend. Turns out after discussions with my doctors, the contractions I was having were not Braxton Hicks, but were symptoms of preterm labor. Luckily the contractions have subsided and I am feeling better after a couple days of rest, but for now I am under strict orders to watch my activity level while medications are in consideration to prevent any further preterm labor complications. All we can do is follow orders and pray that God prepares our hearts for whatever He has in store for us, good or bad.

*Unfortunately this post is a week late, due to wanting to upload recent pictures. Since that time, I have lost my phone so no updated pictures on baby bump or ultrasound can be posted at this time.

Diary of a Pregnant Woman

*This post is in no way meant to cast judgment or offend.

I’d like to believe there are 3 types of pregnant women out there:

Type 1: The overly excited pregnant woman. This woman gladly changes her diet and schedule to give her life to her pregnancy. This type of woman is gleefully thrilled in the act of being pregnant and loves all the changes her body overtakes. She can’t wait to go maternity clothes shopping and has started her baby scrapbook long before there is anything to record. These women are constantly overcome with happiness, die hard optimists, and found pregnancy blissful and easy. After she has had the baby, she is disappointed she is no longer pregnant because she loved it that much. These women probably did not have much difficulty during their pregnancy so they may have nothing to complain about.

Type 2: The cynical pregnant woman. Now don’t get me wrong. These women are happy that a child is blessing their lives, they, however, are disgusted with the changes in their bodies and dread the 30 pounds they will eventually put on. They change their diets reluctantly and try to squeeze into those pre-pregnancy jeans for as long as possible before even setting foot in the maternity section of JC Penny. They often complain about constipation, sciatic nerve pain, and find it difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel, overcome with hormonal distress. These women often had a difficult or miserable pregnancy, full of growing pains, sickness that lasted longer than the usual first trimester, or symptoms that never ended.

Then there is Type 3: The middle of the road pregnant woman, where I feel I belong. Although my pregnancy hasn’t been difficult, I will admit that I have not thoroughly enjoyed the act of being pregnant. While I have feelings of excitement of baby names, baby bump, and nursery decorating, I have also found it to be awkward and uncomfortable, while feeling overwhelmed with fear, worry, self doubt, and confusion. As a junk foodaholic it has been very hard to restrict my diet and it was nearly depressing to try on maternity shirts. Yes, these women are more than thankful for the blessing of a child and gladly look forward to the future of a family, although may have difficulty to understand what is happening to their bodies and find themselves feeling unsure of their own emotions (okay, this may cover 98% of all pregnant women). Specifically, I for one have had a difficult time strengthening my relationship with God and connecting to my unborn baby on an emotional and spiritual level (how do you connect to a baby you can't see, hold, or feel - yet?). Many may find that becoming pregnant has brought God into their lives, while I often find myself searching for Him. Yes, it is easy to say that God has blessed Chris and me with a baby and He has been good to us, but what does this mean in my spiritual walk with Him? How do I find His beauty in my physical pain? I want to go beyond the cliché of “I am blessed” and search for reasoning and depth in my relationship with Him. Go deeper into finding the answers on how this fulfills God’s orders.

Thankfully I stumbled across a book as Chris and I were looking for a wedding card at our local Christian book store, called ‘Creating with God’. 

Now, this book may not be for everyone. It was, however, the answer I had been looking for. Sarah Jobe is an entertaining and humorous Baptist pastor married to a devout Catholic man, who explores the messiness of pregnancy and helps readers find God in places where it is least expected, i.e. during those bouts of morning sickness, those days of pure exhaustion, and the mirror of self-consciousness. She effortlessly combines relatable personal experiences to the word of God and the actions of Christ. Sarah Jobe reminds us that although He has given us the miracle of birth, He has also given us the miracle of salvation. As I continually long to walk in His ways and allow His will to be done in my life, I was purely moved by a caption in one of the chapters which reads,

“Waiting for my coming daughter meant learning to live with a driving desire for an event that I couldn’t control. I desired relief from the pain of pregnancy and the anticipated pain of labor. I desired to meet the little person who had so radically changed my life, and I desired the start of the new life I would have with her. Waiting for a child meant waiting for the fulfillment of a promised blessing I didn’t deserve and a coming burden I couldn’t image. In my final weeks of pregnancy, not knowing when my daughter would come meant that every moment could be the moment she came. This is how Jesus wants us to wait for him.”

This paragraph will continue to resonate with me, as I continue to find a deeper meaning in my pregnancy. This book has helped renew my understanding of patience and faith in believing in the unseen. It has helped remove my fear and worry of what will become of me and my body through this experience. While we may pray for a baby, or a house, or a job, or the lottery, are we praying for God’s will to be done in our lives regardless of the struggle? Are we praying for acceptance of God’s timing and peace in His holy plan for us regardless of our selfish requests? The bible reminds us that God knows the secrets and desires of our hearts, and although we may plan our course, it is He who directs our steps. (Proverbs 19:21)

Farewell Misery

Aw, finally - the second trimester. Pure bliss. My days of constant worry are gone (for now) and I am able to enjoy the feelings of being pregnant for the first time. No more feelings of nausea. Gone are the days of food aversions. Goodbye superpower of smell. Welcome back normalsy (again, for now)! As I reach my 15th week, I look forward to the weeks ahead of a growing belly and finally being able to find out the sex of our baby! Now, this finding out the sex of the baby issue is a-whole-nother post, when the time comes nearer (two weeks from today to be exact!!!). Until then, on with this week's baby news!

Week 15: Why hello baby bump!

Ok, although it's tiny, it's there! Although most days in normal wear, I feel more bloated than pregnant and feel as though I look that way too. Talk about an awkward stage. Much like my teen years, growing from preteen to young adult - yeesh. Even though it may not seem like it, my clothes have gotten tighter over the past few months. But I'm afraid to say it is not from a growing baby, but those pesky months of morning sickness when I did nothing but lay around and eat comfort food (when I could get it down). So, I'm easing my way back into easy workouts and chomping down on those fruits and veggies!! I even signed up for a prenatal yoga class once a week, and let me tell ya, I can sure tell this girl hasn't done much moving these past months! Now no worries, I'm not pushing myself, just trying my best at staying healthy!

As far as I know, our little button is a healthy busy bee. He/she is about 4 inches long and weighs about 2 1/2 ounces - about the size of an apple. He/she is moving amniotic fluid through the nose and upper respiratory tract, which helps the primitive air sacs in the lungs begin to develop. The legs are growing longer than the arms now, and baby can move all of his/her joints and limbs. Although the eyes are fused shut, bean can sense light. If you shine a flashlight at my tummy, for instance, our baby's likely to move away from the beam. Pretty cool, huh?!