Quick stats

Current Statistics:

Weeks: 38 weeks and 6 days

 Total weight gain: Okay. I'm just going to say it. A whopping 40lbs. Oy.

Cravings: Not much for food these days. I'm either nauseous, throwing up, or have little appetite. Although, I most recently have wanted my mom's spaghetti.
Pregnancy Symptoms: Back pain. Hip pain. Rib pain. Pelvic pain. Cramping. Contractions. Slight Swelling. Sigh. Almost. There.
Stretch Marks: Nothing I'm worried about.
Miss Anything: a nice cool glass of white wine (or several)

Progesterone Levels: Well, I have been off all progesterone since 37 weeks, at that point they had risen to a good level. Not that it matters now.

 General Mood: I've become a little weepy. Not crying just because, but...Example A: I cried while watching an episode of How I Met Your Mother (a sitcom) the other day. An episode I had already seen at least 3 times. Example B: I cried when watching the Olympic swim trials on tv tonight when a 17 year old made the Olympic team. In my defense, it was a very touching moment!
Looking Forward to: Hello!!!!! Meeting my baby girl!!!
But Not Looking Forward to: Labor!!! (I don't wanna)

Baby Statistics:

Weight: A healthy 7 lbs
Length: 20 inches

Highlights this week: As far as I know, baby is still sunny side up. I continue to do exercises to encourage her to turn around, but there is only so much this mama can do for a stubborn little girl! Now, for those who know me, keep those "like mother, like daughter" comments to yourself :)

Sleep Update

Night #2 in new memory foam bed: Success!

I decided against taking my Unisom last night, as the night before it turned me into a total zombie the next morning! I will admit I was a little weary on how the night would go, but I rubbed some BioFreeze on my back and hit the sack. Next thing I know, it's 5 in the morning, and I am in very little pain! I get up to eat some cereal, say goodbye to Chris who is just on his way to work, and notice that my hip pain had significantly decreased. The little movement I did while I was awake seemed to be enough to work out any kinks, but I stretched a little anyways and put an ice pack on my back (which was still pretty achey) and away to bed I went. 10 o'clock rolls around (quite quickly) and I can actually lay there while I am awake without feeling absolutely sore and horrible! Talk about a relief!!! I really think the combination of swimming, chiropractor appointments, and the new bed has done wonders for my body!!

And here's my soapbox moment. Word to the pregnancy wise - please, please do everything you can do for your body while you can! You do not want to get to a point where I was where I was in so much pain that I was practically immobile. Now, granted, I wasn't able to do as much throughout my pregnancy like I had wanted to (due to all the minor complications), but don't wait until it's too late. Don't underestimated the effects of pregnancy on one's body, even if you're fit and healthy enough to deal with it. Of course every women's pregnancy is different. My next pregnancy may be completely different from this one (let's hope!), but at least do what you can to help yourself. It's even possible you do all that you can do, and still have a miserable and painful pregnancy, but at least you're doing your best to do something about it. Be proactive and help yourself! Okay. Lecture done. Class resumes tomorrow 12pm sharp.

the Lord is my Shepard

So, for Bean's nursery, I decided to go with a sheep theme, based loosely on Psalm 23. Now, I'm not usually one for themes, so I was very nervous about going over board. There's still items I am planning on adding, but I think the baby room is off to a good start.

 

ZzzzZzzzzzz

As I sit here at almost midnight, I am dreading the very thought of crawling into bed and the long night I have ahead of me. For the past couple of weeks (who am I kidding, months), a good night sleep has turned from a close friend, to a rarely seen visitor. Yes, the joke of "it's natures way of preparing you for your newborn baby" is very funny. Ha. Ha. Ha. (Note: I'm not laughing. It's not cute or funny. So please, stop telling it.) Now, I could probably be okay with the occasional ups and many restroom breaks, if that were my only problem. Oh no, no, no. As many other pregnant (or once pregnant) women can agree with, hip pain may be one of the biggest annoyances of all the 9 months. Well, it is for me anyways, especially at night when I'm trying to sleep. These past few weeks, the pain has progressively gotten worse. My current sleep schedule goes something like this:

1. Take one Unisom.

2. Stretch both legs, focusing on the hips.

3. Heat lower back with warm rice bag.

4. Place ear plugs in ears (I've found recently that this helps me focus on my breathing and has given me deeper sleeps)

5. Attempt to roll from one side to the other as each hip begins to numb, with a pillow in between my legs.

6. Awake one hour later in excruciating pain, as if my legs may break off straight from the hip joints.

7. Use bathroom.

8. Ice hips and back.

9. Attempt to fall back asleep.

10. Repeat steps 2-9 until morning when I can take it no more and my entire body aches for the remainder of the day.

Unfortunately I am not allowed to take any pain relieving medication, other than Tylenol, which has never really worked for me. I have recently been okay-ed to use BioFreeze, which has helped temporarily ease the lower back pain. In my attempts to help aide my pregnancy pains, last week I have started light swimming to get the joints moving and chiropractor care which has begun to help align all these moving bones and stretch those loose ligaments. Probably all these things I should of been doing months ago. And just when I thought I was going to be confined to the couch for the remainder of my pregnancy (our old bed just makes all these pains worse!), my dear sweet husband goes and buys us a new bed! Apparently he says he just couldn't stand me in any more pain and didn't want me sleeping on the couch. Now, if that isn't romantic, I don't know what is!

Now, we haven't quite got it into our bedroom yet, as we need to rearrange a few things, so it's hanging out on the nursery floor for now. But, last night was my first of many nights in the baby room and it wasn't a bad start. I only woke up once before morning (at 5 o'clock), iced my back, and was awake again by 9. Yes, I still woke with very achey hips and back, but it's far cry from the pain filled nights I've been dealing with.

Campin' out. Heck, maybe we'll just leave it like this for the next few weeks!

Thanks again, my love!!!! And only one more week to go of all this pregnancy stuff before I get induced! Let's just hope baby bean wants to make her debut on her own before that!

The almost Ultimate Happy Father's Day gift

Sunday was Chris' first unofficial Father's Day, but it could of been the best Father's Day he'd ever have, as we spent the whole day in the Labor and Delivery section of the hospital. Head's up - this post may be a long one with a few pregnancy details!

I woke up Saturday morning with the more than usual back and hip pain. I remember my abdomen feeling especially sore and tender, but nothing to write home about. I ate some cereal and went to lay back down. About an hour or two later, my back pain was so bad that it woke me up and I thought there was no way I was able to lay there any longer. As I got up and around, I noticed that the pain was starting to wrap it's way around to the front of my stomach and was becoming unbearable. Now, at this moment I am not thinking "labor" as I wasn't having any specific contractions, due to the unstoppable back pain which seemed to override any other feelings. It didn't take long before I was having difficulty walking and breathing through the pain. By now I am STILL not thinking labor as it was nothing like I had ever imagined labor to be. I tried stretching, doing some yoga's child's play, walking around the house, but nothing seemed to help. After a straight hour of this pain (along with the back and hip pain from the night before), I decided to call my doctor to see what I should do. After explaining all my symptoms and the long night I had, she told me to go to straight to the hospital and it sounded like I was definitely in labor. From pure shock and terror I instantly started crying when I told Chris it was time to go. From this point on I am very surprised at how calm we both were throughout this whole ordeal. We actually didn't leave the house until an hour later, after we had both showered and eaten. Once we made it to the hospital, I again had a moment of breakdown, not from the pain or excitement, but straight fear! I was soooo not ready for this moment! As much as I wanted to meet this child of mine, I was no where near ready for the uncertainty or pain that would unfold! At this point, we hesitated to contact anyone, still unsure on how this would all play out. Like my last doctor's appointment, I was no where near dilated yet, but the monitor read my contractions as consistent and strong. So, there was nothing to do, but wait.

 Now let me tell you, there is absolutely hands down nothing worse than back labor. A first time mom can only imagine what labor will feel like, and can pretend to know the level of pain that would be involved. I knew that the pain would be excruciating (hence I'm all for an epidural!), but in no way was I prepared for those next 7 hours!!! The unfortunate thing with back labor, is that is never stops. There is no break in between contractions. Chris would have to tell me when I was having a contraction and when it stopped because I didn't even know the difference. My level of pain varied from a 7 all the way to a 10. An absolute 10. But after 7 hours of this continuous back labor, walking the hallways, and still zero dilation, the doctors had no choice but to send me home with some pain killers in my system. Unfortunately, the hospital policy is that they can not assist in my labor (by meds or breaking my water) until I am 39 weeks or it's an emergency. Come to find out through ultrasound and my contraction patterns, our baby is head down but "sunny side up" meaning she is facing my stomach instead of my back. The 'preferred' position for delivery is anterior. The posterior position puts the back of my baby's head against my back (which creates horrific back labor) and her head not placed directly on my cervix (which is why I wasn't dilating). Here is a lovely visual aide for your convenience.You're welcome.

Posterior babies are known to cause a very long labor process that could take days or even weeks, especially if our little one doesn't turn around! So, for now, I sit at home with consistent contractions (although a little more tolerable) and all I can do is put a heating pad on my back and bounce on a yoga ball (which it suppose to help her face the other way). The only glimmer of hope I have is that my doctor said we could induce at 39 weeks if it doesn't happen naturally - so only a week and half to go (or sooner)! Thank the Lord!

 All in all Chris did not get the ultimate Father's Day he was hoping for, but he did have a great day of watching sports on cable in our hospital room and had a gift of daddy goodies (for his man diaper bag) waiting for him when we got home. Chris was amazing through the whole experience - calm and collected, all while cheering me on during those most painful contractions (he even wanted to fist bump me after one. I opted out). I am so proud of the man I married and the father he is about to be!

It's Go Time

I am 37.3 weeks pregnant today and officially OFF bed rest. I am off all medications and progesterone. These last few weeks have been long, boring, and uneventful. Lately I've been spending most of my days watching marathons of Law and Order: SVU and have started to learn how to crochet. Right now I'm pretty good at pot holders!!!

My 36 week appointment came and went and I was left disappointed when I found out that my body was no where near ready to have this baby. Baby girl has not dropped and my cervix was not even remotely dilated (t.m.i). For a brief few days the doctor even thought our baby was breech! But, after an ultrasound check we were thankfully relieved to find out she was not breech and is still resting in the head down position. Whew! I was so excited to have another ultrasound because our last one was at 26 weeks and we weren't able to get a good look at her face:( This time around, baby girl is in the exact same place she was last time, head still nestled into the placenta - which means little opportunity to see her precious little face! Ugh! So sad. But, she looks very healthy and is doing a great job at practicing her breathing (so cool to see those lungs working and ribs expanding)! At 36.4 weeks our little girl was 6.5 lbs and 19.5 inches long, putting her in the 51 percentile. Good numbers! Since babies are roughly putting on an ounce a day, if we make it to 40 weeks, our little girl will only be around 8 lbs. I can't tell you what a relief it was to hear that! Now no Debbie Downers to tell me that she may be bigger and no stories about how your ultrasound lady was off in the numbers. In this case, ignorance is bliss (I'm obviously well aware that she could come out at any size!).

 baby foot - and all 5 toes!

we have one pouty baby!!! check out those lips!

not the greatest shot, but we'll take it!!

So, right now Chris and I are in full "natural induce" mode. I have spent the last 37 weeks keeping our baby in there, now I'll be spending the last 3 weeks on getting her out!! Now, I know a lot of methods don't actually work and if I have to hear that 'the baby will come when it's ready' one more time I may start to pull my hair out! I'd like to think of myself as a very rational and realistic thinking person. Sometimes I say things in a joking manner (like the above statement) and start to get flooded with advice on how I shouldn't 'expect the baby at any time' or 'don't stress your body out'. I do not intend to put my body in any place of stress and I definitely do not have any false expectations about how this pregnancy may end up. But that doesn't mean I can't remain hopeful and try to keep a sense of humor about the whole thing. So please, don't take me so seriously :)

a Close Call

Well, as many of you may know, I have been placed on indefinite bed rest until our sweet baby officially decides to make his/her entrance into this world. After showing signs of early labor last Thursday for 5 hours (cramping, pressure, low back pain, and contractions around 10 min apart), I was given a medication called Procardia to help stop these symptoms. The next morning, when these labor signs were subsided, but not gone, I was placed on another medication called Terbutaline. Throughout the weekend I was given orders to be on strict bed rest until Tuesday where I would be re-evaluated. Since they have given me all the medication they can and I still have yet to be 24 hours symptom free, they have decided it is best for me to lay low and lay down (I'm only allowed out of bed to use the restroom and shower)! So what better time than to catch up on some blogging than now! A lot has happened these past few weeks, including my mom coming, finishing up the nursery, and my first baby shower! So sit down, grab some popcorn, and enjoy the blogs below! 

P.S. I did these blogs in reverse order so you could read this message first. Hope it works out as I planned!

Still to come: baby shower blog, baby info, nursery pictures, and my 36 week appointment. Let's hope we make it that far!!!

Spoiler Alert!!

It's time. Every one knows. Except the few on facebook. Future grandparents know. Siblings know. Close friends know. Might as well, just let it all out. I know, I know. I've made it this far without a formal announcement, what's a few more weeks. Well, just like my child, I am an impatient person (or is it, my child is like me? yeah, I think that's it). I'm just horrible at surprises. So, I thought, what the hey - we all know anyways.

Awhile ago Chris and I decided against professional maternity pictures, because we are trying to save as much money as possible since my time away from work will be unpaid. So, my good friend Abby came over with her digital camera and we got creative. I used an editing program to help create the end product. Here is a peek at what we came up with! These pictures are currently hanging in the nursery and will eventually be replaced by newborn pictures. Through these you will see what our precious little baby will be!! 

Boy or girl?!? Time to find out!!! :)

Surprised?! Or not? So excited to meet our baby girl!!!
*Pictures taken at 32 weeks

much needed mom time!

The week my mom came was a week full of stress, tears, and tons of laughs. Prior to my mom coming, that Monday I was placed on modified bed rest for the week due to my constant lightheadness and new symptom of vomiting. My mom was scheduled to be at our house Tuesday afternoon. She arrived right on time and we wasted no extra minutes! I took her right upstairs to the soon to be nursery and showed her all the baby stuff I had been compiling! Mom had also brought me boxes of clothes she had picked up over the last few months and some of my baby stuff from when I was a newborn. It was so great to have this one on one time with her and catch up on some lost time! The next few days consisted of painting, moving, repainting, store runs, rearranging, organizing, and a lot of mom's cooking! And all of this was done primarily by my mother. I, on the other hand, kept busy laying down, sitting around, and eating.

There's my dear, sweet mom!

Here's me pretending to do work, with my mask. I was forced by my mom to wear this mask if I wanted to be in the baby room while she was painting:(

 Now, I don't want to give away too much on what the end product of the nursery looks like, mainly because although all the hard work is done and most of it is put together, the truth is - it is still an unorganized mess of baby clothes, shower gifts, and random items that I have not been able to put away yet. Thankfully my amazing sister in law is planning on coming over to help me in my last minute preparations. Thanks Ellie! When this happens, it will be pictures galore!!!

Now what did I realize during the time my mom was here to spend with me? How much I love and miss my mom. I am one of the lucky few to have such an amazing, open, and loving relationship with my mom. She is truly my best friend above anyone else, and I don't know what I would do without her. I probably talk to my mom on the phone every day and is the one person I know I can count on NO. MATTER. WHAT. I hope she knows how much I look up to her, what an amazing woman she is, and how proud I am to say I am her daughter. Thanks mom for just being you!

My first unofficial Mother's Day

My husband was smart enough (with some prior coaching) to recognize that this Mother's Day might be a good thing to celebrate in this household if he didn't want to be spending the night on the couch. Just as fate would plan it, Mother's Day also fell on the end of year track dinner. Surprise, surprise. So, after a day of running around getting ready for the dinner and eating a lot of fried chicken, we were able to head home where my thoughtful husband kept his Mother's Day gift for me. The best kind of gifts to me are simple and straight from the heart. I am not a flashy person. I do not need a big show. Just love.

Now, for you to understand the joke behind the hand made card, I should probably tell you about an unfortunate ice cream incident from a couple weeks back. One evening my brother in law offers to get ice cream. Asking me if I wanted some was like asking a homeless man if he wanted a roof over his head. So, I gave my order and Drew and Chris were out the door. A half hour later, my husband and brother in law walk through the door, with Chris holding a wee little cup from Dairy Queen. When asking where mine is, Chris held up the cup he was holding, while mentioning that I probably didn't need it. Now, let me remind you. At this point I am 7 1/2 months pregnant, moody, and hungry. So, slightly disappointed in the size of my ice cream and irritated by his sarcasm, I let Chris know about my let down with a few choice words. Now these choice words may or may not have included a couple of f bombs spoken with a raised tone. Apparently pregnancy has turned me into a raging drunken sailor. Unattractive and sad, but true. When I go to actually grab my ice cream, I see that Chris has eaten almost half of my Snickers Blizzard (3 'bites' according to Chris). Now hold the f'ing phone! Not only did Chris get me the smallest size possible, but then proceeds to eat half of it! Where was his ice cream? Oh, he didn't want any?!? That's right, he didn't need to buy any because the awesome wife I am, bought special ice cream for him a few days ago that was still in the freezer (and by special, I mean buying him a kind of ice cream I don't like so he can have it all to himself, all while buying myself none). I think you see where I'm going with this. I'm getting all hyped up just thinking about it. Well, luckily for my husband, and this household, he kept his mouth quiet through the whole ordeal but likes to laugh about it to this day - telling me that I'll never live that night down. It's okay. I still strongly stand by my outburst.

As you can see, this ice cream is lactose free, gluten fee, fat free, and a mere 150 calories. In other words, all the fun and goodness has been sucked out of this little pint of Chocolate Peanut Butter ice cream. Now bless my personal trainer-programmed husband's heart for trying, but even he wouldn't touch this tasteless imposter! Deep down, it was the heart behind it that I appreciate so much! :)

But husbands, words to the wise and moral of the story:

Don't mess with momma's ice cream!

*You can see more fun and creative hand made cards by my great friend, Abby, at http://www.etsy.com/shop/akpurplegiraffe !!

One discomfort for another

So this has been an interesting week. I guess you could say it was a 'trial run' at what being at the hospital could be like when the big day finally arrives. Let me give you a little background. As I mentioned in my most previous post, I have more recently struggled with dizziness and difficulty breathing. Overall, it feels like I'm on the verge of passing out. I have heard from coworkers this these feelings could be a symptom of high blood pressure, which is a cause for concern during pregnancy. So, Tuesday morning, after a long weekend and morning of lightheaded-ness, I asked my supervisor if I could run over to employee health real quick to get my blood pressure taken. I'll keep this short and sweet. Let's just say that this little request soon turned into an all out Emergency Room spectical. Before I knew what was happening, my doctor was on the phone and not long after I was getting rolled through my work hallways in a wheelchair to a car to be taken to the hospital. Did I faint?! Was I too whoozy to stand?? No. I was perfectly fine, insisting this was all a 'little much'. "Better safe than sorry" everyone kept saying. Due to my dizziness and difficulty breathing with chest pain, my doctor ordered me straight to the emergency room to have everything checked out. And my poor husband. He comes full running into the waiting room, on the verge of tears, unsure of exactly what is going on with his wife and poor baby. 4 hours later, a chest xray, 4 blood tests, and a liter of liquids through an IV, we were able to go home for the day and rest. So what did they find?? Nothing. Not a dang thing.

I was told to rest and call if anything got worse, which it hasn't. But, on the bright side, I was able to get a very small taste of what it will feel like to be all set up in a hosiptal room. Granted, I was in the ER which is different then the maternity ward, I'm sure. Either way, the pure thought of potential labor was instantly terrifying!!!

Week 32: Since my ER visit on Tuesday, my dizziness is minimal and breathing difficulty comes and goes. My struggle with back pain is starting to level out and my gallbladder is less tempermental, but now what is causing serious discomfort is the recent onset of sciatic nerve pain. I knew this was something that was a possibility towards the end of my pregnancy, with a growing uterus pressing on the nerve in my spine which sends sharp shooting pain up my back and down my legs (mainly the right one). This makes trying to sit down, stand up, walking, or even turning around a major pain! Pun intended. I feel like a pirate with a wooden leg everywhere I go because lifting my right leg and then pressing down on it again just to walk is serious work, all while holding back tears every step of the way. This pain isn't new territory for me, as I have suffered from a bulging disk a few years ago, which creates the exact same pain as the disk can pinch or rub against the sciatic nerve. Familiar or not, this is an foe I strongly despise.

By the end of this week our little munchkin could weigh anywhere between 3-4 pounds and 16-18 inches in length. How is all that fitting in such a confined space?!? Well, this space is about to get much smaller as bean is about to start packin' on some major poundage, around 1/2 a pound a week! Our sweet baby has plenty to do; blinking, grabbing, making faces, and practicing breathing for that big first breath! Oh, and did I mention working those karate chops and jump kicks? He/she has those down pact!

Next week: My mom comes (on Wednesday)!!!! Plenty of pictures to post coming up!

The cat (or should I say baby) is out of the bag.

Today could of been a sad, sad day for my husband Chris. I was busy minding my own business while I thought he was out cleaning the garage, when all of a sudden he busted into our bedroom and found me in the middle of taking this picture (below) to frame in the nursery. Now, what you can't see in this picture, is the color of ribbon tied around my waist. Now, I know what you're thinking - I was only asking for it when taking such an important picture with Chris in the midst. Well, for one, I didn't think it would take me that long to take just one picture. And two, I thought Chris was plenty busy two floors below me. Either way, it doesn't matter. Chris admitted to me that he's suspected the real gender of our baby for the past few months anyways. Apparently I'm not very good at keeping secrets or understating the obvious. Come to find out he figured it out when we were shopping one day at Costco and he noticed I 'diverted more to one gender of baby clothes more than the other'. And here I was thinking I was throwing him off the scent! So, although I am bummed and feel a little guilty I wasn't able to hide his surprise a little better, Chis is not upset in the least bit (which I knew he wouldn't be). If anything, it now makes things easier on us. BUT I'm sorry to say we have decided to continue to keep this secret to ourselves. Don't worry, you'll find out soon enough!

Week 31: One week away from 8 months. 8 weeks away from 40. What a long, but wonderful journey we have been on, and still 2 more months to go. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't more than ready to no longer be pregnant. Walked by a table of margarita mixes at the grocery store tonight and my mouth started salivating at the pure sight. Long days of excruciating back pain have now been accompanied by dizzy spells, which makes it difficult to be up and around. Breathing can be very challenging, even when just sitting. Which reminds me, I never mentioned how my glucose test I took at 28 weeks turned out. Luckily my glucose levels were normal (whew! no gestational diabetes for this girl!) but my iron levels were significantly lower than they should be. So my lightheaded-ness could easily come from that. I am to take 325 mg of iron a day! That's 4 pills! Plus my regular prenatal vitamin, fish oil vitamin, anxiety medication, and my progesterone (twice!). I've started a nice little cocktail of pills. I usually prefer moscato wine for cocktail of choice, but I suppose these will have to make do for now. Other than that, I've been feeling pretty good. I really should not be one to complain. These past few months I've been blessed with nothing but minor complications where there could be much worse! Lil' bean is always on the go and sometimes I have to stop and talk to the belly asking "What exactly are you doing in there?!?" Movements are never painful or uncomfortable. I have yet to feel any major jabs to bodily organs, like I've heard from other pregnant people I know. I have felt Bean kick up in my ribs once, but it was more ticklish than hurtful. Now don't be getting any ideas sweet baby!

I'm super excited for these next few weeks as I continue to prepare for my mom coming into town to jump start the nursery (I finally bought our crib!! Craigslist, of course) and also my first baby shower!!! Yippee!

After Giving Birth Joys

I was given this blog about pregnancy and all the interesting and funny experiences that come with it. Who ever writes this blog, is brutally honest but totally hilarious! I love it!

Check out this post about the joys of giving birth and the aftermath!
*Beware for explicit language and T.M.I!

Happily After Giving Birth – 10 Things They Don't Tell You

You know in the movies when the woman gives birth and they hand her a perfect, clean 3-month old movie baby? The husband puts his arm around her and they gaze lovingly into each others eyes? Ahhhh, the end. Well, here are just a few of things that can happen after the credits roll. Most of them aren't movie friendly so sadly, the don't get discussed unless you have really good friends that let you in on these little secrets. Not all of them happen to everybody but, chances are, one or more will be added to your new role as motherhood so don't be alarmed.

1. You will have a really heavy period. No matter how you give birth (c-section or va-j-j) you will have postpartum bleeding. This delightful discharge is called lochia and it sounds about as appealing as it is. It lasts as little as two to three weeks or as long as six weeks after birth. The best part is you're given giant, thunderpads in the hospital because you can't use tampons during this time (it can introduce bacteria into your healing uterus) so you have the added pleasure of feeling like a 15-year old girl from 1974.

2. Your crotch might be a mess. You may be dealing with a swollen, stitched up mighty mess that even Stephen King couldn't dream up. There are a variety of elixirs and contraptions to help ease the horror including sits baths, frozen bags of peas and a little water bottle that you squirt on yourself while you pee. In my experience I've found that it's best not to look – it was actually worse than I thought it would be. Dear God so bad.

3. You're still fat. You will need clothes after you've had this kid because you'll be sort of second trimester doughy for a while. This is yet another reason I hate those damn model asshats that are wafer thin 10 minutes after they've given birth because it isn't realistic. Everything is very different when you've had your tummy tuck during your elective c-section and you can hand your baby off to a nanny and have a personal trainer up in your face everyday. Pilates and brown rice my ass. Stupid starlets. Except Heidi Klum. I love Heidi Klum and that bitch earned her wings.

4. You might cry. A. LOT. Some women get off really easy with this one and don't ride the hormonal roller coaster after they've had a baby and to them I say "lucky, lucky whore". It doesn't help that it can run the gamut from absolutely nothing to full blown post partum depression so not everyone is sympathetic if you have the Niagara Falls boo hoos if they didn't. The other tricky thing is that you might not recognize how bad it was until you're out of it. It's best to have people that actually know you keep an eye on this one. If they tell you that you're losing it, you probably are so listen to them and go see your doctor. Nobody wins if you're miserable.

5. Your hair might fall out. I know. Don't you feel pretty now? So here you are all post partum and doughy and to add insult to injury you might start losing some of your hair. Here you were all excited about your luscious locks while you were pregnant, well, sorry Cinderella but the party is over and the hair fairy wants her glass slippers back. This is one of those wonderful hormone side effects that can come with giving birth. At least there will be less to worry about when pulling your hair up into your new-mom crack-ponytail.

6. Breastfeeding might be difficult. If you choose to breastfeed your baby, be prepared for a little bit of work. Not everybody has a smooth ride (me included) and it can be anything the soft, bonding vignettes they plaster all over "Breast is Best" pamphlets. The good news is once you're over the hump it's pretty maintenance free and you can never forget your baby's lunch on the counter. If you have an easy time of it, awesome! Don't brag though, you're liable to be beaten to death with Bugaboo strollers by hormonal mothers in the park.

7. You might hate your husband. I have two theories of nature. One, babies look like their fathers when they are born so the father is reassured that the baby is his and won't take off. Two, nature takes care of you not conceiving right after giving birth by making you want to punch in his face every time you see him. Again, it's probably hormone related. Again, this isn't always the case but I'm just warning you that you might stare at his peaceful sleeping face at 2am and wonder what the hell the point of him is and how can that son of a bitch just lie there sleeping like while you try to get your baby to sleep for the umpteenth time. You're not alone and a jury full of mothers with newborns wouldn't convict you if you bludgeoned him to death with a breast pump. That said, he may be worth keeping around so take a deep breath and ignore the urge......for now.

8. You might be hot. No, not good hot. Gross, sweaty, fat man hot. Thank your hormones. Once again they may be to blame for giving you hot flashes and making feel like a high-noon whore. Nothing says sexy like a woman with 20lbs of extra baby weight, who's losing her hair and walking around like she just ran for a bus. I'm adding that to my theory of nature's birth control along with number 7.

9. Hard boobs. You know those crazy porn boobs you see on some women that are just gigantic and don't move? No? Well, try skipping a feeding while you're nursing and you'll have a pretty good idea what that's like. It sounds cool but it isn't so don't add stripper heels to your registry....well, not for this reason anyway.

10. Pooing is scary. I saved the best for last, non? No matter what exit your baby used, your BM equipment is close by and you'll have to use it eventually. I think the phrase "tentative terror" best sums up this act and may I suggest picking out extra names because you're going to want to name your first poop after you take such tender care bringing into the world. Gross? Sorry. Fact? Yep.

Haven't I painted a pretty picture here? Aren't you looking forward to all the treats that come with motherhood? Well, thankfully, not all of them happen to everybody and you (and everyone around you) will be so focused on the new little person that you'll have little time or energy to worry about much else. And hey, who cares, you made a person. A whole person. It doesn't matter if you're a surly, bald, sweaty garden slug for a while, you just performed a miracle so unless you're booked to walk the runway in your underpants in two weeks, don't worry about it and tell anybody who says otherwise to eat shit. Hey, you can always blame it on your hormones.

http://www.pregnantchicken.com/pregnant-chicken-blog/2010/9/23/happily-after-giving-birth-10-things-they-dont-tell-you.html

Guilty Conscience

Ok, so after my little pity party yesterday in my previous post, I started to feel bad about not wanting to show off how proud I am of my growing baby. I do want to make it clear I am more excited for this baby and this experience than anything I've ever been in my life (other than marrying my amazing husband)! Above the toll that one's body takes during pregnancy, I love the special moments I have with my baby feeling him/her kick and move around. I love to sing and talk to baby bean and imagine how wonderful life will be with her/him. I love daydreaming of what our little miracle will look like and I look forward to many years of hugs and kisses! So, here is my growing bump:

I also forgot to add a picture of our bean and his/her newest side profile. Our 3D picture didn't turn out so well as the baby kept turning his/her head away from the camera. Little stinker. At our previous ultrasound (27 weeks) baby weighted exactly 2 pounds and was 14 inches long, putting our baby in the 60th percentile. So, hopefully this means that our baby won't be super big when born. I'm hoping for a good 7.5-8 lbs, but who will know for sure until the big day!

If you can't quite see it, the baby's face is on the left. You can see the whole half of his/her face, i.e. the eye, nose, chubby cheek, mouth, and chin. :)

10 week count down

I know it's been awhile since I have posted a new picture of myself, and there is a couple of reasons for this:

1. So far, I have put on a little more weight than I would have liked to and it seems to be going to all the wrong places!

2. I'm incredibly lazy.

That's pretty much sums it up. Now that summer is around the corner and warmer weather is already here, the fun effects of water retention are finally starting to settle in in this Nebraska humidity and I feel like I'm starting to look a little less like myself every day. Trust me, I know that "it'll all be worth it in the end" and "it'll go away once you have the baby" yadda yadda yadda...but for now, I just stay clear of mirrors and all cameras. I promise I will muster up the courage to "embrace this 'special' time in my life" and the baby weight that I am putting on and finally take a picture to update you on our little one. Because yes, I know, it's all about the baby anyways.

Since I no longer am doing weekly updates, I figured it would be easiest for myself to continue with previous posts regarding my/baby's stats:

Current Statistics:

Weeks: 30 weeks
Total weight gain: Moving on....

Cravings: Sweets. Deli sandwiches for lunch. Internet says that deli meats are to be a no-no, but my doctor said she isn't too worried about it. Therefore, it's on!
Food aversions: Thankfully, nothing. Or maybe not thankfully. Hmm.
Pregnancy Symptoms: Still have mid back pain, right between the shoulder blades. Foot cramps. Slight water retention.
Stretch Marks: Nothing I'm worried about.
Miss Anything: I never thought I'd say this, but hard work outs. You know, the kind where you just get your butt kicked and your soaking in sweat by the end. Don't quote me on this to remind me later.
Progesterone Levels: Levels have dropped back down, so I'm still on all my progesterone until further notice.
General Mood: Pretty good. I feel I've been lucky this pregnancy to not have been overcome with emotions (crying at the drop of a hat). Although my husband may say I lean a little more towards the bitchy side. I can't deny this statement.
Looking Forward to: My mom coming in a few weeks to start the nursery with me!!!!!

Baby Statistics:

Weight: 2-3 lbs
Length: 15-17 inches

Highlights this week: Baby bean has begun sticking just an arm or leg straight out and leaving it there. It was crazy the first day that I felt a tiny baby foot from the outside of my belly with my hand (I could tell it's a foot by the size). So now this is my favorite game. Feeling around my tummy for little hands and feet. It's a very easy and constant game as bean is always on the move and stretching out in his/her confined space.

Now, it's nothing like this and I don't see any imprints (this is not me in the picture).. Does anyone know if this picture is even real, as in, does this really happen??

Coming up: 30 week appointment tomorrow. Appointments have been moved to every 2 weeks. We're getting close!!!

Nesting

Only 11 more weeks to go and I have finally been able to start the nesting process! For the moment, Chris' brother Drew is currently living in what will be the nursery, but in just a few short weeks Drew will be moving downstairs and the real fun can begin! I am so excited as my mom will be in town for the first time since I've become pregnant and will help begin decorating the nursery with me. As you can imagine, decorating is not quite high on Chris' interest level, so it leaves lots of girl time for me and my mom! Yay!

We are limited on what we have for the baby room, and by limited I mean we have nothing, but today I bought my first nursery furniture!!! I am over the moon about my purchases! I have been looking for quite some time for pieces just like this, one dresser with room to act as a changing table and some kind of bench for some more places to sit other than the rocking chair. I was hoping to find items that we can refurnish, which is way less expensive and more fun to do. Lucky the items I found were quite the deal!!! They are a set and require minimal work as you can see for yourself:

Nothing that some sanding (off those stickers) and a fresh paint of coat can't solve! Perfect white furniture to go with a the white baby crib we have yet to own. I never thought I would want white furniture until I did gender neutral nursery searches for ideas and fell in love with the softness that white furniture adds to a beige colored room. It may sound boring and plain, but add some pops of gender related color and we have us a calm and serene baby room like these (although these do not have pops of color I plan to add i.e. curtains, pillows, wall decor):

More pictures on the progress to come!

Bump in the Night

Yes, it has almost been a whole month since my last posting and more weeks since then since any baby talk. I've been a little on the lazy side with updating, but not really much has been going on these past few weeks. My belly continues to grow and our baby continues to move and kick. His/Her most busiest moments are around 9-10, 3, and 6 o'clock.....at night/early morning. So it appears we have a little night owl on our hands. I have read that around this time I should be able to recognize our sweet one's sleep schedule. And that I do! He/She tends to be on the go for 3-4 days at a time, and then takes a day or two to nap it up and regain the energy to do it all over again. Chris has been able to have the opportunity to feel and watch the kicks and movements, although he doesn't think it's as amazing as I do. His exact words from the first time he saw my belly move was "That's creepy. Reminds me of the movie 'Alien' ". Hm. I was a little unsure on how to feel about this statement until I mentioned it to my doctor who says that those responses are actually quite normal, since the father experiences the pregnancy completely differently than the mother. Understood.

We have also begun our baby registry and let me tell you, it is quite the process! I mean, where to even begin with this thing?! I'm struggling with the idea that we will need all these super expensive items for our child. Yes, I understand the importance of the necessities such as a car seat, stroller, pack n' play, etc. But, does my child need BOTH a swing AND a bouncer? Should I get one of those seats that you can hook into your door frame for the baby to jump around in? What kind of walker should I get? And don't even get me started on swaddles, pacifiers, and baby creams. Ugh, and then there's this whole issue of 'gender neutral'. Chris and I's view of gender neutral are completely different. I love this man, but I don't think he quite gets the concept that it IS possible that we are not having a boy and not all blue, green, or orange colors are considered 'gender neutral'. I try to stess the fact that I would like to use what we can for future children, boy or girl to help in not being bias one way or another since I know the gender. Poor Chris. Love you, hunny.

And here is everything else....

Current Statistics:

Weeks: 26 weeks and 1 day

Total weight gain: 20 lbs

Cravings: Sweets. Anything under the moon. Pop. Specifically Cherry Coke Freezes and Root Beer. Chris got me some Strawberry Crush for my birthday a week ago. It was pure heaven.

Food aversions: Nothing really. But I have found out orange juice is out of the picture. Too much acid for the tummy.

Pregnancy Symptoms: Killer mid back pain. Easily tempermental gall bladder which causes severe pain under my right rib. Rib pain in general. Pregnancy Brain. Very itchy belly.

Stretch Marks: Not yet. Whew!

Miss Anything: Not going to lie, with all this warm weather I could really go for a margarita!!

Progesterone Levels: Still taking 800 mg of hormone a day with 2  200 ml's booster shots of hormone twice a week. Although my last blood test showed a spike in my levels which means that a decrease in hormone replacements could be in the horizon!! Fingers crossed!

General Mood: Well, for few weeks there things were pretty good. Now, I'm pretty cranky and exhausted from all these pregnancy pains :(

Looking Forward to: Our next ultrasound to see our sweet baby again!

Baby Statistics:

Weight: +/- 1 2/3 lbs.

Length: 12 - 14 inches

Highlights this week: Our baby's eyes are finally beginning to open. Sure there may not be much to look at, but he/she is beginning the process of blinking. Bean's hearing continues to improve and now he/she is able to respond to noises. It's also more fun to 'play' with baby, as the baby is able to 'feel' and respond to touch from the outside of the belly.

Coming up: 26th week ultrasound + gall bladder ultrasound, 28th week Dr. appointment + glucose test (which means I get to drink a not so yummy soda pop to test my sugar levels. Hooray.)

C and K news

Want to know what's been going on in our lives outside of our baby bump? Check out my update here:

 katiegotmarried.blogspot.com

Cravings

I am lucky enough to say that I have not had too many crazy cravings throughout my pregnancy. I have, however, had an increased need for sweets and sugar - all the naughty foods I should not be eating! Example: soda pop. Now, I have never been a big pop drinker. The effects of caffeine do nothing for me and really it just makes me feel crappy after drinking it. Well, now that I'm pregnant, my craving trumpet is blaring a different tune! Pop is all I want! I walk by a pop machine and I'm instantly craving a nice cold Dr. Pepper, Coke, Root Beer.....heck, I don't even care! I drive by a fast food restaurant and I have to give it my all to not turn in for a quick drink on my way home. Thankfully, because I have no will power in giving in to such cravings, lent was just around the saving corner. So, now I have 40 days to quit a habit that was never truly formed since pregnancy is not the best time to become addicted to such a bubbly and delicious thirst quencher.
So, instead, I'll stick to my tried and true.

Vanilla ice cream whipped up with Hershey's chocolate syrup. Every night.

That's better than pop, right? I'll continue to tell myself that.

A little hormone education

As many, or some, of you may know, Chris and I have had a more difficult pregnancy than we were hoping for. Thankfully, it hasn't been as bad as some, but it definitely has came with it's hardships. I have spoken minimally of our complications, but I figured it was time to give some more answers. This may not be the most exciting post I have ever written, but hopefully more informative. Now, although I post this blog to my facebook account, this blog is intended for family and friends that I do not have the opportunity to talk with as much as I would like. For those of you who read this and may not know me as well (or know me at all), prepare yourselves for a more in depth and personal look into my pregnancy.

Many of the pregnancy problems I have mentioned have been due to my poor progesterone levels. Progesterone is called the pregnancy hormone in which it helps prepare the lining of the uterus for the fertilized egg as well as maintain the pregnancy by calming the uterus throughout the pregnancy. As you see in the graph below (wow, what a teacher-y thing to say) is the normal progression in the rise of progesterone levels throughout pregnancy. Low levels of progesterone can cause miscarriages, stillbirths, and preterm labor which obviously leads to premature births. As I am in my 22 week of pregnancy, on average my levels should be anywhere between 55-65, which is considered Zone 3 to Zone 4. Unfortunately, throughout my pregnancy, I have maintained levels which leave me in mid Zone 1. So if you can do the math, my levels are way lower than they should be. In this case, our pregnancy is considered "high-risk" ever since our first preterm labor contractions at 17 weeks. Since this time, I continue to have episodes of these complications, which have ended me on temporary bed rest numerous times (most currently this past Thursday through the weekend). You add a flaring ovarian cyst to the mix and it's not such a fun ride.

Thankfully, our very small doctor's office (Pope Paul IV Institute) strongly believes in monitoring progesterone levels throughout pregnancy due to the high risk of complications involved with low hormone levels, so we have been very aware since the beginning of our pregnancy of the possible outcomes and have learned what we can do to help prevent further complications (although we cannot prevent everything). To help aide my low levels of progesterone, I take up to 800 mg of progesterone a day as well as a 200 ml booster shot of pure progesterone twice a week. As mentioned in previous posts here, Chris has been trained to give me these shots from home and then I must have my blood taken every two weeks to check my levels. Chris thought it would be a good idea to show exactly what the shots (or needles) look like.

Now, you must understand that I have been receiving these shots since my 5th week of pregnancy, but I continue to dread them and they do not get easier with time! Some of you may wonder where exactly these shots go. Welp, you guessed it....right in the bum cheek. Ugh, now if that isn't bad enough, it isn't just a slight prick, but the entire 2 1/2 inch long needle! Oh, and it only gets better. The pure progesterone is mixed with sesame oil for easy absorption into the muscle. What this really means for me is that it is a very thick substance that takes anywhere from 3-5 minutes to fully inject.

 So what does this mean for the future? Well, we're not quick sure. I believe we'll just continue on our course and hope that our complications do not rise enough to cause serious problems (the biggest concern being preterm labor with as many contractions I've already begun having). So far our baby is continuing to grow on track and spends most of his/her days playing and kicking - an updated post on our baby soon to follow. Until then, Chris and I remain positive, yet mentally prepared for more complications in the future, as possible with any pregnancy. We continue to be thankful for this experience and the knowledge we've been given to continue to move forward in this exciting new journey.

the Hump

Week 20 Well, I am officially half way through my pregnancy! It's crazy to think how fast these last few months have gone, but at the same time seems so slow. I am starting to get out of the "is she/isn't she" stage of my pregnancy, and am starting to look more and more pregnant, literally, every day. Yes, it may look like I'm clearly pregnant in my most recent picture, but I will admit that clothing and angles make my growing belly more obvious. I had always thought that I would show a little early, even though it's my first pregnancy, due to a shorter torso. I'll admit I've worried how on earth everything will continue to fit inside my pint sized torso, but I know, in all of our bodies miracles - it all works out. Now with all that cramped space, comes plenty of pains. Ribs are expanding, belly muscles are stretching, and organs are getting pushed up and around who knows where!

Due to all of the pain and mild complications, we have been lucky enough to have 4 ultrasounds up to this point to check up on our growing bean. The latest ultrasound was to look at an ovarian cyst, first mentioned in earlier posts here and here. Although the cyst continues to hang around, it has stayed contained. It continues to cause mild pain and discomfort, but for now it is manageable. At the end of the check up, I was able to have a quick glimpse of our sweet baby. Baby bean was all curled and snuggled up tight, just sleeping the time away. I was able to witness a couple twitches, but even cuter, a few yawns. Thankfully this time, our baby was still enough to get some great shots!

Now this is not our first 3D picture (below), but it is the best one yet. As you can see, he/she may sleep with an open mouth, or maybe this was taken right before one of the many yawns. I have already begun hearing who people think the baby looks like (so far it's a general agreement that the baby has my profile, but looks like Chris in the face). Lol, who knows for sure, there is still 20 more weeks for things to grow and develop!

I conclude this post with a little peek at one of the best mother gifts I've received so far. At the beginning of my pregnancy, my sweet thoughtful sister sent me this Cancer charm in honor of our little blessing to come in July. I wear it everyday around my neck as a constant reminder of how lucky I am to have such supportive and loving family and friends as we await our baby miracle. Thank you and love you all!

Update

Here is our sweet baby a week and a half ago at almost 17 weeks. Boy, was it sure difficult to even get this semi profile shot. Our little one is either really shy or enjoyed playing tricks with our ultrasound tech. Either way, I'm going to guess we're going to have our hands full!

And then there's me, in all my pregnancy glory - 18.4 weeks.

I never was one for 'self' shots in the mirror, but this will have to do until I can start those cute week by week maternity photos I've seen others do. To be honest, you should be surprised I've even got this far with two self portrait pictures. For now, it's on my list of things to do - along with cutting out sweets and working out :)

Thump, thump, thump

Week 18 Talk about a crazy week. After a couple of contraction scares, I have been released to continue on with my daily routine of work and exercise. Whew. Although Chris and I have not been too worried, as my fears have been eased with the first kicks of our little baby. I suspected movement at the beginning of my 17th week, but when it's your first baby, who's really to know for sure?? As the week progressed, if I laid on my back really still, I felt soft little thuds just below my belly button (and a little to the right to be exact). I had to be paying attention, otherwise I would miss it, but starting this past Thursday these little thuds have become a constant occurrence, if I'm laying down, sitting, or standing. I suppose once a mother recognizes the feeling of her baby, it's hard to not notice when it moves. Friends and Internet have described these feelings as "butterfly flutters", "gas bubbles", "like a feather", even the "little feet of a hamster on your hand". It's tough to really pin point the exact way in describing the first time you feel your baby, other than purely incredible. For now, I can't help but say "Hello, baby" every I feel that little thump or series of thuds. Unfortunately for Chris, our baby is still too small for him to feel him/her from the outside of my belly, but this doesn't stop Chris from keeping his hand on my stomach in high hopes to feel our baby's tiny feet.

Our baby is now the size of a sweet potato. Baby websites claim average size of a fetus at this stage of 18 weeks is 5.5 inches and 6.6 ounces. Well, at our 16.6 week ultrasound our baby measured 6.12 inches and 6 ounces (a 'little' ahead of schedule). Tall and skinny. Surprise, surprise.

*Sorry, still no baby bump picture updates at this time. Will come soon, though. Promise.

It's a........!!!!

After weeks and months of waiting, last Thursday I was finally able to find out the gender of our sweet baby! Now, if you remember a few posts back I mentioned that there was a story behind us finding out the sex of our baby. Well - here it is:

Chris and I had discussed long before we were expecting if either of us had the desire to know early what gender our baby was or if either of us wanted it to be a surprise. Well, our decision was split. Chris wanted it to be a surprise and I, who have the worst patience in the world, wanted to find out as early as possible. Our decisions still stand today the way they did when we first discussed it. So, Chris and I decided that I would find out the sex of the baby, and he would wait to be surprised and find out the day our baby was born. Now, I know what you're thinking. How is this going to work? Well, we're not too sure either. Every one who knows this plan, thinks we're nuts and that I'll never be able to hold this big secret without letting something slip. I guess we'll see. So far so good. I have planned that, for the nursery and baby shower everything will stay gender neutral. Anything gender oriented I receive or buy, will be put away in a box. What if Chris looks in the box??? Well, if Chris wants to know, he can/will look in the box. This is not a secret I am hiding from him. This is a secret he chooses to not know and I will do my best to help him in not knowing. So, until then we call the baby "he", just as we always have since we found out I was pregnant. Thankfully we have already discussed names, so no extra time will have to be spent on 'pretending'. And if Chris happens to find out from any of the number of ways possible, then he has already said it won't be the worst thing in the world, which actually leaves me stress free.

Week 17 So, unfortunately, I will not be revealing our baby's gender. But, feel free to take a guess on what you think we're having at the end of my post!!! Now, what I can tell you is how great our baby is doing! Little baby G is right on track in all measurements. He/she was just kicking away as we watched our baby jump around on the ultrasound screen, but still not feeling anything yet. Our ultrasound tech wrote me a note in an envelope at the end of our appointment revealing the gender of our baby. Oh, and you can bet I ripped that envelope open the moment I was away from Chris. Although I had my suspicions, I literally squealed with delight!

On a serious note, the day of our ultrasound, I started having contractions throughout the day and into the weekend. Turns out after discussions with my doctors, the contractions I was having were not Braxton Hicks, but were symptoms of preterm labor. Luckily the contractions have subsided and I am feeling better after a couple days of rest, but for now I am under strict orders to watch my activity level while medications are in consideration to prevent any further preterm labor complications. All we can do is follow orders and pray that God prepares our hearts for whatever He has in store for us, good or bad.

*Unfortunately this post is a week late, due to wanting to upload recent pictures. Since that time, I have lost my phone so no updated pictures on baby bump or ultrasound can be posted at this time.

Diary of a Pregnant Woman

*This post is in no way meant to cast judgment or offend.

I’d like to believe there are 3 types of pregnant women out there:

Type 1: The overly excited pregnant woman. This woman gladly changes her diet and schedule to give her life to her pregnancy. This type of woman is gleefully thrilled in the act of being pregnant and loves all the changes her body overtakes. She can’t wait to go maternity clothes shopping and has started her baby scrapbook long before there is anything to record. These women are constantly overcome with happiness, die hard optimists, and found pregnancy blissful and easy. After she has had the baby, she is disappointed she is no longer pregnant because she loved it that much. These women probably did not have much difficulty during their pregnancy so they may have nothing to complain about.

Type 2: The cynical pregnant woman. Now don’t get me wrong. These women are happy that a child is blessing their lives, they, however, are disgusted with the changes in their bodies and dread the 30 pounds they will eventually put on. They change their diets reluctantly and try to squeeze into those pre-pregnancy jeans for as long as possible before even setting foot in the maternity section of JC Penny. They often complain about constipation, sciatic nerve pain, and find it difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel, overcome with hormonal distress. These women often had a difficult or miserable pregnancy, full of growing pains, sickness that lasted longer than the usual first trimester, or symptoms that never ended.

Then there is Type 3: The middle of the road pregnant woman, where I feel I belong. Although my pregnancy hasn’t been difficult, I will admit that I have not thoroughly enjoyed the act of being pregnant. While I have feelings of excitement of baby names, baby bump, and nursery decorating, I have also found it to be awkward and uncomfortable, while feeling overwhelmed with fear, worry, self doubt, and confusion. As a junk foodaholic it has been very hard to restrict my diet and it was nearly depressing to try on maternity shirts. Yes, these women are more than thankful for the blessing of a child and gladly look forward to the future of a family, although may have difficulty to understand what is happening to their bodies and find themselves feeling unsure of their own emotions (okay, this may cover 98% of all pregnant women). Specifically, I for one have had a difficult time strengthening my relationship with God and connecting to my unborn baby on an emotional and spiritual level (how do you connect to a baby you can't see, hold, or feel - yet?). Many may find that becoming pregnant has brought God into their lives, while I often find myself searching for Him. Yes, it is easy to say that God has blessed Chris and me with a baby and He has been good to us, but what does this mean in my spiritual walk with Him? How do I find His beauty in my physical pain? I want to go beyond the cliché of “I am blessed” and search for reasoning and depth in my relationship with Him. Go deeper into finding the answers on how this fulfills God’s orders.

Thankfully I stumbled across a book as Chris and I were looking for a wedding card at our local Christian book store, called ‘Creating with God’. 

Now, this book may not be for everyone. It was, however, the answer I had been looking for. Sarah Jobe is an entertaining and humorous Baptist pastor married to a devout Catholic man, who explores the messiness of pregnancy and helps readers find God in places where it is least expected, i.e. during those bouts of morning sickness, those days of pure exhaustion, and the mirror of self-consciousness. She effortlessly combines relatable personal experiences to the word of God and the actions of Christ. Sarah Jobe reminds us that although He has given us the miracle of birth, He has also given us the miracle of salvation. As I continually long to walk in His ways and allow His will to be done in my life, I was purely moved by a caption in one of the chapters which reads,

“Waiting for my coming daughter meant learning to live with a driving desire for an event that I couldn’t control. I desired relief from the pain of pregnancy and the anticipated pain of labor. I desired to meet the little person who had so radically changed my life, and I desired the start of the new life I would have with her. Waiting for a child meant waiting for the fulfillment of a promised blessing I didn’t deserve and a coming burden I couldn’t image. In my final weeks of pregnancy, not knowing when my daughter would come meant that every moment could be the moment she came. This is how Jesus wants us to wait for him.”

This paragraph will continue to resonate with me, as I continue to find a deeper meaning in my pregnancy. This book has helped renew my understanding of patience and faith in believing in the unseen. It has helped remove my fear and worry of what will become of me and my body through this experience. While we may pray for a baby, or a house, or a job, or the lottery, are we praying for God’s will to be done in our lives regardless of the struggle? Are we praying for acceptance of God’s timing and peace in His holy plan for us regardless of our selfish requests? The bible reminds us that God knows the secrets and desires of our hearts, and although we may plan our course, it is He who directs our steps. (Proverbs 19:21)